Bodily functions: How to refer to number one?
Here’s a graded list of ways to say “I have to go pee” (urinate)—ranging from the most polite to the most informal or blunt, with notes on tone and where/when to use them. Perfect for classroom, travel, writing, or just sounding natural in different contexts!
🚽 POLITE / EUPHEMISTIC (Good for formal or public settings)
| Expression | Notes |
| I need to use the restroom. | Very polite, American English, safe in any setting. |
| I need to go to the toilet. | Neutral and common in British English; polite and clear. |
| Excuse me, I need the ladies’ / men’s room. | Polite, gender-specific. Often used in public places. |
| I need to freshen up. | Very polite and indirect (more often used by women). Could also imply washing hands, makeup, etc. |
| I need to powder my nose. | Old-fashioned and very euphemistic (mostly female use, sometimes ironic today). |
| I need a quick break. | Vague and very polite—used when you don’t want to be specific at all. |
💬 NEUTRAL / EVERYDAY INFORMAL (Common in casual conversation)
| Expression | Notes |
| I need to pee. | Very common, neutral tone, fine among friends or family. |
| I gotta go pee. | More casual/slangy—“gotta” is very conversational. |
| I need a wee. | British English, childlike or gentle tone. |
| I have to take a leak. | Casual, slightly crude but very common among men. |
| I’ve gotta go. | Very common; often implied meaning is going to the bathroom. |
| Nature’s calling. | Light, slightly humorous way to say it. Can apply to #1 or #2. |
😅 CHILDISH or HUMOROUS
| Expression | Notes |
| I need to go tinkle. | Very childish or used humorously/adult-to-child. |
| I need to go potty. | Baby talk. Only used with children or jokingly. |
| I’m going for a widdle. | Babyish or British informal; often meant humorously. |
💥 BLUNT / CRUDE (Use with close friends or not at all!)
| Expression | Notes |
| I need to piss. | Crude and direct. Common in male speech; not polite. |
| I’m gonna drain the lizard. | Very slangy, male use only, and humorous. |
| I’ve gotta take a whizz. | Informal slang, light tone, mostly male. |
| Time to hit the head. | Military/navy slang for using the toilet. |
| I’m off to the bog. | British slang, casual, rougher tone. |
🔹 Summary Tip:
Use more polite forms in restaurants, work settings, public spaces, or with strangers.
Casual and humorous forms work with friends, peers, or in writing for comic effect.
🚪 POLITE / SLIGHTLY INDIRECT
| Expression | Notes |
| I need to excuse myself. | Very formal and vague—used in posh or diplomatic settings. |
| I need to step out for a moment. | Polite, discreet, often used in meetings or social events. |
| Do you have a restroom nearby? | Useful for asking politely in unfamiliar places. |
| I need to take a comfort break. | Polite, often used in conferences or official events. |
👂 COMMON INFORMAL / CASUAL
| Expression | Notes |
| I’m just nipping to the loo. | British English, very common and casual. |
| Back in a sec, just hitting the loo. | Friendly and informal—used in conversation. |
| I need to relieve myself. | A bit clinical/formal, but clear. Used more in writing or older speech. |
| I’ve gotta go number one. | Childlike but commonly understood. Can be used jokingly. |
| I need a quick bathroom run. | Very casual, common in US speech. |
| Let me run to the john. | American slang, informal but not offensive. |
🤪 FUNNY / SLANGY / VERY INFORMAL
| Expression | Notes |
| I’m off to shake hands with the unemployed. | Very cheeky male slang—used humorously. |
| I’m off to see a man about a horse. | Old British euphemism—very vague and ironic. |
| I’m going to water the flowers. | Quirky, rural-sounding euphemism. |
| Gotta make a pit stop. | Car metaphor—common among guys or in sports contexts. |
| Time to drain the main vein. | Crude male slang—definitely not for formal settings. |
| Going to empty the tank. | Slangy, commonly used among friends. |
| I’m off for a splash and dash. | British, humorous, and rhyming—playful tone. |
| Gotta shake the dew off the lily. | Old-fashioned and poetic, slightly silly. |
| Pee like a racehorse. | Slangy, used when really urgent—often said jokingly: “I’ve gotta pee like a racehorse!” |
Bodily functions: How to refer to number two?
Ah yes—number two 💩—a topic that inspires just as many (if not more) colorful, creative, and quirky English expressions! Here’s a well-organized list of ways to say “I have to defecate”, from polite to crude, with short notes on when and how to use them.
🚽 POLITE / EUPHEMISTIC
| Expression | Notes |
| I need to use the restroom. | Polite and vague—can mean either #1 or #2. |
| I need to go to the bathroom. | Safe, polite, everyday language. Still non-specific. |
| Excuse me for a moment. | Very vague—used when discretion is key. |
| I need to use the facilities. | Formal, often used in professional or public settings. |
| I need a comfort break. | Euphemistic—used in meetings, events, or official contexts. |
| I have to take care of something. | Very vague, polite—depends heavily on context. |
💬 EVERYDAY INFORMAL
| Expression | Notes |
| I need to go number two. | Childlike but widely understood. Polite enough for family or among close friends. |
| I need to poop. | Very common, neutral tone. Not rude, but best in casual settings. |
| I’ve gotta take a dump. | Slangy, a bit crude—used mostly among friends. |
| I have to go do my business. | Euphemistic but clear. |
| I’m heading to the loo for a bit. | British English, mildly indirect. |
| Gotta sit on the throne. | Humorous and informal. |
😅 CHILDISH / LIGHT-HUMORED
| Expression | Notes |
| I need to go potty. | Baby talk—used with kids or jokingly by adults. |
| Time to make a poopy. | Childish and silly—used humorously or with toddlers. |
| I have to do a number two. | Gentle way to say it with kids. |
| I’ve gotta make a stinky. | Very childish, often joking. |
| Time for a toilet treasure. | Silly or ironic—used for comic effect. |
💥 BLUNT / SLANG / CRUDE (Use with care!)
| Expression | Notes |
| I’ve gotta take a shit. | Blunt and common among friends—definitely not polite. |
| Dropping the kids off at the pool. | Slangy, humorous, visual. |
| Pinching a loaf. | Vivid and crude. Old-school male slang. |
| Taking the Browns to the Super Bowl. | American football pun—very informal. |
| Making a deposit. | Euphemistic but still slangy. |
| Launching a torpedo. | Crude and joking. |
| Releasing the Kraken. | Humorous exaggeration. |
| Logging out. | Modern digital slang—very informal. |
| Back in five, gotta bomb Hiroshima. | Over-the-top and not classroom-appropriate, but used for shock humor. |
🍽️ EXTRA POLITE / INDIRECT
| Expression | Notes |
| I’ll be just a moment. | Very vague; relies on tone and timing. |
| Excuse me, I need to step out. | Indirect and diplomatic—no one needs to know why. |
| I need to take care of something urgent. | Often used as a professional-sounding excuse. |
| I’m going to freshen up. | Usually used for #1, but some use it for either. |
🗣️ COLLOQUIAL / HUMOROUS (Still SFW)
| Expression | Notes |
| I’m going to drop the kids off. | Popular euphemism; commonly understood. |
| Answering nature’s second call. | Play on “nature’s call,” but for #2. |
| Off to do some paperwork. | Ironically formal; sounds official but means toilet business. |
| I’m going to unload. | Slangy and common. |
| Making room for dessert. | Humorous and light-hearted. |
| I need a sit-down meeting. | Witty and businesslike. |
| I’m laying cable. | Crude and visual—used in male slang. |
| Shooting a brick. | Rough slang, implying difficulty. |
| Doing the doo. | Childish or funny. |
💀 DARK HUMOR / EXTREME SLANG (⚠️ use with close friends only!)
| Expression | Notes |
| Taking the Browns downtown. | Another spin on the football pun. |
| Popping out a trouser snake’s arch-nemesis. | Bizarre and over-the-top. |
| Dropping the motherload. | Crude and dramatic. |
| Giving birth to a food baby. | Gross-humorous comparison. |
| Tossing out yesterday’s regrets. | Poetic and a bit sarcastic. |
| Backing out a burrito. | Crude and food-based. |
| Releasing the hostages. | Oddly visual; used by some online communities. |
| Time to visit the Oval Office. | Ironically formal. |
| It’s turtle time. | A nod to… slow emergence. 🐢 (Yes, really.) |
Bodily functions: How to refer to vomiting?
English has some wildly vivid, humorous, and grossly imaginative ways to describe vomiting and the urge to vomit. Here’s a breakdown from polite to poetic to positively revolting, with notes on when and how to use them.
🤢 POLITE / MEDICAL
| Expression | Notes |
| I feel nauseous. | Neutral, medical tone. Use in formal or professional settings. |
| I have an upset stomach. | Polite and gentle—non-graphic. |
| I feel queasy. | Common and polite—soft way to express discomfort. |
| I need to lie down—I’m not feeling well. | Indirect and discreet. |
| I think I’m going to be sick. | Polite British English way to warn of vomiting. |
😬 EVERYDAY INFORMAL
| Expression | Notes |
| I feel like I’m going to throw up. | Direct and common in speech. |
| I’m about to hurl. | Casual and slangy. |
| I might lose my lunch. | Euphemistic and humorous. |
| I’m going to toss my cookies. | Silly and very American. |
| I’m going to barf. | Childlike but widely used. |
| That made me gag. | Used for disgust or mild nausea. |
🤮 VIVID / CREATIVE / COLOURFUL
| Expression | Notes |
| Technicolor yawn | Visual and ironic—popular in Aussie/Brit slang. |
| I just chundered. | Aussie slang for vomit. |
| Ralphing | Old-school slang: “He’s out back ralphing.” |
| Calling Ralph on the big white phone | Rhyming gag—”the big white phone” = toilet. |
| Blowing chunks | Gross and vivid; popular in US 80s/90s slang. |
| I blew my groceries. | Food-themed and nasty. |
| Puking my guts out | Intense and visual—used to emphasize severity. |
| Projectile vomiting | Descriptive, often exaggerated. |
| I spewed everywhere. | Graphic and blunt. |
| I upchucked. | Silly slang. |
| Launched lunch. | Humorous alliteration. |
| Made a pavement pizza. | Gross street slang—UK/Aussie origins. |
| Sprayed the sidewalk. | Visual and quite crude. |
| Painted the toilet. | Gross and graphic. |
🤧 FOR FEELING THE URGE TO VOMIT
| Expression | Notes |
| That turned my stomach. | Disgusted or nauseated. |
| It made me gag. | Mild version—can be figurative. |
| I was retching. | More medical, implies the motion of vomiting. |
| I dry-heaved. | Vomiting without anything coming up. |
| I was on the verge of puking. | Informal, accurate. |
| I couldn’t hold it down. | Often used to describe failed attempts not to vomit. |
When it comes to vomiting, English is a treasure trove of over-the-top metaphors, crude wordplay, and grotesquely poetic imagery. Here’s another helping of expressions—from theatrical to downright disgusting.
💬 SLANG & STREET TALK (CREATIVE or CRUDE)
| Expression | Meaning / Tone |
| Praying to the porcelain god | Kneeling over the toilet to vomit; dramatic & funny. |
| Driving the porcelain bus | Same idea—”steering” as you throw up. |
| Giving it back to the chef | Sarcastic and gross. |
| Heaving ho | Sounds nautical but used jokingly. |
| Reversing the gravy train | Grossly poetic. |
| Un-eating my lunch | Funny, indirect. |
| Blowing the horn | Short and sound-based euphemism. |
| Rebooting dinner | Tech-meets-food joke. |
| Letting it all out | Euphemistic and dramatic. |
| Singing into the toilet | Sounds gentle but refers to retching. |
| Coughing carrots | Graphic—especially when no carrots were involved. |
| Yodeling groceries | Slangy and surreal. |
| Pavement pastry | UK/Aussie slang for sidewalk vomit. |
| Liquid regret | Ironic and poetic—perfect for post-party dialogue. |
| Expelling demons | Popular horror-humor metaphor. |
| Unloading from the top deck | Gross but vivid. |
| Giving birth through the mouth | Dark humor, common on forums. |
💡 STYLES OF USAGE
Creative Writing: Metaphorical vomit is great for humor or exaggeration without being graphic
Comic Writing: These are gold for over-the-top internal monologue or colorful side characters.
Teen Dialogue / Social Media Parody: Often used to exaggerate disgust or party aftermath.
Bodily functions: How to refer to farting?
Oh yes—farting, the final frontier of bodily function euphemisms! English speakers have come up with a riot of childish, clever, discreet, and downright ridiculous ways to talk about cutting the cheese. Here’s your all-you-need guide to flatulence in English—polite, funny, and foul.
💨 POLITE / INDIRECT
| Expression | Use & Notes |
|---|---|
| Pass gas | Polite and medical-ish. Use around doctors or the squeamish. |
| Break wind | Old-fashioned but still heard in polite company. |
| Let one go | Mild, indirect. Often followed by awkward silence. |
| Had a little accident | Euphemistic and vague. |
| Something slipped out | Implying lack of control—often said sheepishly. |
| One got away | Playful and harmless. |
| It was the chair! | Classic denial—never gets old. 😅 |
😏 INFORMAL / HUMOROUS
| Expression | Use & Notes |
|---|---|
| Cut the cheese | Very American, silly, safe for school use. |
| Drop a bomb | Visual and humorous. Often used with mock pride. |
| Toot / Poot | Cute-sounding—great for kids or silly tone. |
| Let rip | British and playful. |
| Rip one / Rip a big one | Slangy and vivid. Often said by teens. |
| Let ‘er fly | Cowboy-style funny. |
| Step on a duck | Referencing the sound—childish and funny. |
| Fire off a trouser cough | British slang, oddly formal-sounding. |
| Release the hounds | Dramatic and theatrical. |
| Launched an air biscuit | Hilarious and gross-sounding. |
| Crop dusting | Farting while walking past people. Sneaky and slangy. |
| Silent but deadly (SBD) | The classic. Used in memes and jokes. |
| Pulled a sneaky squeaker | Rhyming and goofy. |
| Let out a bark | Loud and embarrassing. Often jokingly proud. |
💀 EXTREMELY COLOURFUL / CRUDE
| Expression | Notes |
|---|---|
| Rattled the windows | Hyperbolic and funny. |
| Blew the back door open | Graphic and not for polite company. |
| Tore a hole in the time-space continuum | Nerdy exaggeration. |
| Played the butt trumpet | Childish and hilarious. |
| Called the moose (Canadian) | Regional and outdoorsy. |
| Fired a warning shot | Military slang, metaphorical. |
| Woke the dead | Dramatic. Often used for smellier emissions. |
💡 TIPS FOR USAGE
In kids’ contexts, keep it cute:
→ “toot”, “poot”, or “butt hiccup.”
In polite conversation, stick with:
→ “pass gas”, “break wind”, or humorous denial strategies.
Among friends or family, feel free to use silly ones like:
→ “cut the cheese”, “rip one”, “step on a duck”.
In creative writing or comedy, exaggeration works best:
→ “Let out a sonic boom”, “launched an air biscuit”, or “shook the furniture.”
Bodily functions: Not a bodily function per se, but interesting anyway: How to refer to the state of being drunk?
Oh, now we’re talking! English has an astonishing range of expressions for being drunk—ranging from mildly tipsy to utterly annihilated. Some are classy, some are goofy, and some are just straight-up poetic in their devastation. Here’s your full inebriation intensity scale, complete with usage notes.
🥂 STAGE 1: A LITTLE BUZZED
(Just enough to feel it, still in control)
| Expression | Use & Notes |
|---|---|
| Had a drink | Neutral, factual. |
| A bit tipsy | Polite, slightly flirty. Often used at dinner parties. |
| Feeling warm | Euphemism for a mild buzz. |
| Loosened up | Slightly under the influence, relaxed. |
| Got a little glow | Classy-sounding. 1950s vibe. |
| Buzzed | Casual and very common. |
| A little merry | British, gentle, and a bit old-fashioned. |
🍷 STAGE 2: DEFINITELY DRUNK
(Confidence high, volume up, filter gone)
| Expression | Use & Notes |
|---|---|
| Feeling it | Informal. Acknowledging the alcohol’s effect. |
| Well-oiled | Functioning but clearly drunk. Often joking. |
| Half-cut | British. Casual drunk. |
| Three sheets to the wind | Nautical origin. Classic and colorful. |
| Had one too many | Polite way of saying someone is past their limit. |
| Smashed | Very common and casual. |
| Wasted | American, popular with young people. |
🍺 STAGE 3: REALLY DRUNK
(Slurred speech, questionable choices, emotional karaoke)
| Expression | Use & Notes |
|---|---|
| Plastered | Common and informal. |
| Legless | UK English. Can’t walk straight. |
| Sloshed | Wet metaphor. Playful. |
| Pissed | UK slang. Be careful! In US, it means “angry.” |
| Trolleyed | British slang. Amusing and visual. |
| Off your face | Informal and vivid. |
| In orbit | Witty metaphor for being way out of it. |
| Seeing double | Literal and idiomatic. |
🥃 STAGE 4: UTTERLY DESTROYED
(Falling over, blackout incoming, poetic-level intoxication)
| Expression | Use & Notes |
|---|---|
| Hammered | Very common and strong. |
| Sh*tfaced | Vulgar but widespread. |
| Out of it | Can imply unconscious or delirious. |
| Paralytic | UK. Strong image. |
| Blotto | 1930s–50s style. Vintage flair. |
| Off your rocker | Implying mental disarray. |
| On another planet | Surreal metaphor for extreme drunkenness. |
| Gone to the land of nod via tequila | Comic and creative. |
| Drunk as a skunk | Rhyming and widely used. |
| Out cold | Fully passed out. Can apply to booze or exhaustion. |
💡 USAGE NOTES
Many are great in writing/dialogue, especially for comedy, character building, or colorful storytelling.
“Tipsy” = playful, often self-descriptive
“Buzzed” = very common, especially in the U.S.
“Smashed / wasted / hammered” = middle-to-high range, often with pride or shame
“Plastered / legless / paralytic” = British flair, great for writing
Avoid strong expressions (e.g., shtfaced*) in formal or polite contexts unless for humor
🧉 MILDLY DRUNK (Warming Up)
| Expression | Notes |
|---|---|
| Feeling fuzzy | Light buzz, often paired with cozy feelings. |
| A little giggly | Suggests alcohol has made someone cheerful. |
| Loopy | Slightly silly or dazed. |
| Cheerfully lit | Lighthearted way to describe being tipsy. |
| Got a bit of a wobble | UK-friendly and subtle. |
| Feelin’ fruity | Flirtatious, breezy buzz. |
🍸 FAIRLY DRUNK (On the Way)
| Expression | Notes |
|---|---|
| Juiced | Slangy and a bit cheeky. |
| Lively | Euphemism—means drunk but trying to sound upbeat. |
| Sailing | Nautical metaphor for wobbling balance. |
| Sauced | American slang—fun and safe. |
| Full of Dutch courage | Suggests drinking for bravery. Old idiom. |
| Full of spirits | Old-timey wordplay on liquor. |
| On the sauce | Suggests habitual or recent drinking. |
🥴 VERY DRUNK (Regret Pending)
| Expression | Notes |
|---|---|
| Half in the bag | U.S. slang. Mildly funny and casual. |
| Bevvied up | UK slang for well-lubricated with “bevvies” (drinks). |
| Canned | American and old-fashioned. |
| Pie-eyed | Classic, silly image. Eyes spinning. |
| Tankered | Rare but vivid. Suggests being full of beer. |
| Wobbly boots on | Delightful Britishism. |
| Loaded | Dual meaning: wealthy or very drunk. Context matters. |
| In bits | UK/Irish—can imply emotional or physical breakdown. |
😵💫 ABSOLUTELY WRECKED
| Expression | Notes |
|---|---|
| Trashed | Strong American term. Sloppy, messy. |
| Crawling home | Suggests total loss of dignity. |
| Seeing pink elephants | Classic for drunken hallucinations. |
| Bent as a nine-bob note | UK. Corrupt or very off-kilter. |
| Dead to the world | Asleep/unconscious. |
| Drunk under the table | Outdrunk by someone else. |
| Swimming in gin | Witty exaggeration. |
| Lit up like Vegas | Flashy and very gone. |
| Turned into liquid confidence | Poetic metaphor for being overly bold while drunk. |
How to Politely Indicate You Need the Bathroom in Company
In English, we’ve got a whole arsenal of indirect, face-saving phrases to refer to the call of nature, especially when you’re in company and don’t want to be too graphic. Let’s unpack it:
🚻 Topic: How to Politely Indicate You Need the Bathroom in Company
✅ Why it matters:
Talking about bodily functions is often considered taboo or impolite in social settings. That’s why English speakers often use euphemisms, indirect references, or vague excuses to maintain social decorum.
🧠 Tactful & Common Euphemisms
🔹 “Excuse me for a moment.”
Classic, discreet. Works in almost any setting.
Excuse me for a moment — I’ll be right back.
🔹 “I just need to freshen up.”
Common in restaurants, social events, or semi-formal settings. Especially used by women.
I’m going to freshen up before we leave.
🔹 “I need to powder my nose.”
Old-fashioned but still used tongue-in-cheek, often by women.
Back in a sec — going to powder my nose.
🔹 “I need a quick break.” / “Time for a comfort break.”
Very common in professional or academic settings.
Shall we pause for a quick comfort break?
🔹 “I’m just going to the little boys’/girls’ room.”
Playful and euphemistic, works well in informal company.
Be right back — the little boys’ room calls.
🔹 “Nature calls.”
Light-hearted and idiomatic.
Sorry, nature calls. Don’t eat all the fries!
🧃 If you’ve just had a drink:
🔸 “I shouldn’t have had that second coffee…”
Excuse me, I’ll be right back — shouldn’t have had that second cup.
🔸 “All that tea’s catching up with me.”
Yep, all that tea is catching up with me. Give me two minutes!
🧑🏫 Advice for Use
- Match the formality of your setting: “Excuse me for a moment” is safest in most situations.
- Add humour when appropriate: Phrases like “nature calls” or “powder my nose” work well with friends.
- Avoid being too direct unless you’re in casual or private company — saying “I need the toilet” can feel too blunt in formal settings.
- Body language helps: just standing up and quietly saying “Back in a sec” works wonders.
💬 Sample Dialogue
Friend 1: “Where are you off to?”
Friend 2: “Just a quick pit stop. Too much lemonade!”
Colleague: “Shall we dive into the next item on the agenda?”
You: “Actually — can we take a comfort break first?”
******************************************************************
here’s a second wave of polite, humorous, and euphemistic ways to excuse yourself to the bathroom, all about keeping it smooth and socially graceful. Some are classic, some are cheeky, and some are downright clever.
🚪 More Euphemisms & Indirect Phrases for Going to the Toilet
🔹 “I’ll be right back.”
Simple, neutral, and works in literally any context.
Talk amongst yourselves — I’ll be right back.
🔹 “Time for a pit stop.”
Casual, humorous — perfect for road trips or informal conversation.
Before we hit the road again, I’m making a pit stop.
🔹 “I’m going to stretch my legs.”
A great decoy. Can be code for bathroom without saying it.
Been sitting too long — time to stretch my legs for a bit.
🔹 “I need to make a quick call.”
Often used as a white lie to step away, especially when your phone is in your pocket.
Hang tight, I need to make a quick call.
🔹 “Let me step out for a moment.”
Smooth, professional, and entirely context-safe.
Let me step out for a moment — back in a flash.
🔹 “I need to check on something.”
Works well in a mixed group or formal gathering.
Mind if I step away? I just need to check on something.
🔹 “I’ll be back in two shakes of a lamb’s tail.”
Funny, old-timey, and delightfully vague.
Back in a jiffy — two shakes of a lamb’s tail!
💬 Theatrical or Humorous Versions
🤹 “Duty calls.”
Excuse me — duty calls. The less said, the better.
🧻 “I have an appointment with the porcelain throne.”
Tongue-in-cheek, definitely for friends.
Be right back — I’ve got a porcelain engagement.
🕵️ “I have a mission to attend to.”
Playfully mysterious.
Give me five — I’ve got a mission to handle.
🧼 “Off to wash my hands.”
Polite way to suggest the errand without saying it directly.
Gonna wash my hands real quick — be right back.
- The ABC of Insulting People (A lifetime supply)
- NB I won’t delve deeper into the more sensitive areas of the human anatomy here, nor into how some of those areas can be joined or otherwise manipulated.
- Drug-related vocabulary in English – Don’t open this can of worms!